Here we go

I know buddy, I feel ya. . .

Mommy was offered at job this week. This is really exciting but also really scary. I have worked for the past 2 1/2 years to get to this position. All those days at the library and Starbucks have finally paid off. And I worked my butt off to get here. This is a new career for me so I am excited to get in and learn the real ropes. The position I was offered is amazing, the one I have been dreaming and yearning for since I began the program. But still, I'm sad. 

I'm sad because that means our time together is limited. I knew even when we started to talk about bringing you into our lives, that I would have to work and not get to stay home. It is part of the reason why I went into the field I did at a later stage in life, so I could have the flexibility to be home with you a good part of the day. But I still want to be with you all the time, not just part of the day. I want to be there when every first happens, when every boo boo happens, when every new food and word is learned. I have loved watching you change and grow so much already in your 3 1/2 months.

I need to appreciate the time we do have together. Even those times when you are screaming at me and I am tired. I am very lucky that I don't start work till July so we have a ton of time left. I know it will go oh so fast. For now, Mommy is going to work hard to enjoy every single day with you and keep them exciting and adventurous. 

There is still a lot to figure out going forward - like what my shifts are and if/when we need extra care for you. Plus, where are we going to find that care. I have faith that the pieces will fall into place just as they have already. 

Just know, when I do go to work - I will miss you so so much. It makes me tear up just thinking about it now. I will ball my eyes out on the first couple days. Daddy and I are doing this to make a better life for all of us. This hopefully means our own home and in the future fun vacations - stuff like that. My career will hopefully give you a reason to be proud that I am your mom, because I am out there giving back to society in my small way. I just want to be the best mom I can for you. 

I love you lil man - even when you drool all over me all day long :)