we are back

I'm doing this. 

I want to do this for real.

No, I really mean it Avery. 

I'm going to start sitting down and writing out what is really going on in my life. I want to remember what is happening now. I want to save the craziness of this time. A time in my life that I think I won't remember very well when it is over. And I really want to do this for me.

I need to learn to be more present in our life. I have an amazing life that I am extremely lucky for. I have two beautiful kids, a husband who really loves me and a job that I love going to. Along with a whole bunch of other great things like my family and friends. I am too caught in in the mess around the house and the lacks in our life that I need to learn to let go more. So I figure if I write down our memories and chaos maybe I can learn to enjoy and laugh at it more. Even if I can't always do that in the present, at least when I look back I know I will laugh :)

So, my pictures won't be amazing most of the time and probably off just my phone. And the stories might be boring or gross or redundant. But they are my stories and stories I want to remember one day. The chaos can gobble you up but if one can take the time to see what is really there - it is pretty amazing after all. 

But right now, I'm going back to sleep cause well I need it at the moment ;)

Here we go

I know buddy, I feel ya. . .

Mommy was offered at job this week. This is really exciting but also really scary. I have worked for the past 2 1/2 years to get to this position. All those days at the library and Starbucks have finally paid off. And I worked my butt off to get here. This is a new career for me so I am excited to get in and learn the real ropes. The position I was offered is amazing, the one I have been dreaming and yearning for since I began the program. But still, I'm sad. 

I'm sad because that means our time together is limited. I knew even when we started to talk about bringing you into our lives, that I would have to work and not get to stay home. It is part of the reason why I went into the field I did at a later stage in life, so I could have the flexibility to be home with you a good part of the day. But I still want to be with you all the time, not just part of the day. I want to be there when every first happens, when every boo boo happens, when every new food and word is learned. I have loved watching you change and grow so much already in your 3 1/2 months.

I need to appreciate the time we do have together. Even those times when you are screaming at me and I am tired. I am very lucky that I don't start work till July so we have a ton of time left. I know it will go oh so fast. For now, Mommy is going to work hard to enjoy every single day with you and keep them exciting and adventurous. 

There is still a lot to figure out going forward - like what my shifts are and if/when we need extra care for you. Plus, where are we going to find that care. I have faith that the pieces will fall into place just as they have already. 

Just know, when I do go to work - I will miss you so so much. It makes me tear up just thinking about it now. I will ball my eyes out on the first couple days. Daddy and I are doing this to make a better life for all of us. This hopefully means our own home and in the future fun vacations - stuff like that. My career will hopefully give you a reason to be proud that I am your mom, because I am out there giving back to society in my small way. I just want to be the best mom I can for you. 

I love you lil man - even when you drool all over me all day long :)

Most amazing thing ever

I really can't come up with the words to explain how awesome it was to witness this. Only that it completely melted my heart. It happen yesterday (3/19) while Matt was messing around trying to Cameron to take a short nap. I have watched this over and over again - each time I just want to cry with joy. So, for everyone's enjoyment:

Cameron's first laugh!!!

Running - day 1

My body has not bounced back as fast or as easily as I would have wanted to. Even with BF I have plateaued after losing 20 lbs since birth. But I really am not complaining because I haven't done anything at all for physical activity since getting in crazy shape for my wedding.

 

This is a couple weeks after our wedding. We are with Matt's godson Quinn at his baptism. 

This is me about a month before birth (tailgating at a UConn football game - with my little brother Sam):

Ya, I would love to have that wedding body back now (like right now please!!!)

So, my friend Stephanie suggested Couch-to-5K program. She used it and has been running lots of 5K's lately. She just did one this past Sunday in Hartford with her husband. (Yea Steph and Barn!!!) I ran a bit to get into shape for my big day so I know running will do wonders for my body and fast. I just truly truly hate running. I have never developed much of an endurance for it. Even when I had 10 dance classes a week and was dancing constantly - I still could never handle running. Well, this program is suppose to be the right fit for someone like me. Someone who can't stand running. 

Today, is my first day trying it. What is nice, my husband Matt is along for the ride too. We did day one of the recommended schedule. And let me tell you - it was brutal. 

But I did it and ran/walked for 25 minutes at 60 to 90 second intervals. My knees hurt, I am tired and still feel a bit winded. But I am told this will get better as I go. Oh, there is also another fun problem I came across with running after pregnancy but more on that later. And I will do it again on Wednesday. Not looking forward to that at all. 

On another note:

To each post I am going to add a dinner tonight section. I am always trying to come up with ideas for dinner so I thought it I start writing them down maybe I get more creative with what we eat and get some new ideas. 

Dinner tonight: Chili cheese dogs (grilled) with french fries and baked beans - timeless for a beautiful day like today

Our Week by Droid - week 1

I have been following Amy over at A Good Life since probably sometime early in my pregnancy. There are many baby blogs I like to keep up with but Amy's is one of my favorites. Her family has always felt a lot like my own: young couple getting by, having fun and enjoying what the future has ahead. I am really excited for her that she is pregnant with #2 and look forward to following her pregnancy. 

From her blog, I have thought it would be fun to follow her idea of Our Week by IPhone (except I have a Droid so it is Our Week by Droid) To me it is a good way to keep up with what I accomplished/did the past week and keep people in the loop. 

So here is our week last week:

Monday was pretty lazy. Hung around the house mostly, probably did laundry. The only exciting thing was there was a new camera app on sale for 25 cents at the droid market so Matt and I spent bath time taking funky photos of Cameron

Tuesday I had to go up to UConn to meet with Career Services and have them touch up my resume and cover letter - yes I am actually trying to look for a job (kinda sorta) It was beautiful on campus and quiet with the students on Spring Break. We met up with my friend Kim for lunch. I finally got a picture of Cameron with Jonathan the Husky Dog :)

Wednesday was baby gym day at MyGym. We have a lot of fun there and it is great to spend time with other babies the same age. Blurry photos cause Cameron wouldn't sit still for me.

Wednesday night we had dinner at my mom's and Cameron got to spend some time with his grandma :)

Thursday was another lazy day - the only photo during the day is of Cameron looking all tough man - he does look super cute though! Also, Matt begged me to put Cameron in 'Cuse gear for the NCAA tourney game that afternoon. Of course Syracuse won and sadly our Huskies lost later that night (who Cameron is and will be a true fan of)

Friday we met up with Kim, her mom and her niece Hannah to do some shopping at Evergreen Mall and hit up Target. Cam is not the biggest fan of  mommy trying on some clothes or waiting in line at check out. 

This was our weekend. We cleaned and hung out. Not too crazy. We spent our St. Patty's day watching basketball and making some food. We made a smaller version of this very yummy Mediterranean Dip along with some sweet and sour meatballs and potato skins. You can see how much Cam is into St. Patty's day. It is very different from the years before of drinking green beer all day. But I really enjoyed spending time with my now little family.

I also got to spend some time working on a carseat quilt I am making for Cameron. What do you think so far?

March Madness

Cameron's reaction to March Madness. He is absolutely a UConn fan in the end :)

Faces

3 Months

Cam Jam is now 3 months old. He is actually older than 3 months but I didn't this post done till today.

Where did my newborn go? How did it go by so fast? My brother, Sam, said the other day that Cameron is a little person and no longer the souless blob. Sam never really got the whole newborn thing of a sweet smelling, sleep and eat all the time, that loves to cuddle and falls asleep on my chest blob. Those early days were hard ~ no smiles, no consistency, crying, crying, crying. . .but now I look back and miss my sweet little newborn baby. I tried to savor every little moment but I worried and I stressed about his life and my life and if we were doing everything right.

Things have smooth out. Cam and I have figured each other out for the most part. I get to enjoy the little moments of each day more now that my boards are over and am leisurely looking for a job. Life is good.

Cameron has developed so much of a personality. I can see his likes and dislikes, interests and even at times when he is scared. He loves to interact with people, just smiling at faces and taking it all in. It is amazing to watch this little guy grow. I have a feeling that Cameron is going to have a shy temperament because I see him sit with me or his dad and watch everything very closely. He likes the comfort of what he knows and then will watch something new from afar, taking it all in and getting use to it.

Cam Jam Stats:

Weight: about 13 lbs, probably a bit more now as we weighed him two weeks ago
Height: 23 inches

Things that have changed: more and more talking, can definitely see what seems like across the room, a bit of an increase in active/alert time, and he is starting to mess with his hands, so close to actually grabbing something. I am so excited for him to start picking things up but I forget that once this happens nothing will ever be safe. Oh, and he is drooling ALL THE TIME. Everything is covered from mucus sliding out of Cam's mouth. Bib wearing is a total fashion must right now.

Likes:
Bath time!
Mommy
Changing table & Mobile
Car Rides
Tummy time - from the start he has preferred his stomach and now he would rather be on it than on his back
Standing
Being naked

Dislikes:
Having to wait for Mommy
Being put in the carseat before we get into the car
Being dressed

Thank you Cameron for everything you are and everything you are going to be. I love every single little piece of you.

Spring Fever

It is so typical to talk about the weather but really it is truly something to be celebrate lately. This time last year we probably still had over 30 inches of snow on the ground. Today, it was 70 degrees and gorgeous. And when the sun is out and the day is warm, everyone is happier. We have been blessed with a very mild winter this year and I am all for that after last year's crazy snow and this summer/fall wicked weather (yup, we lost power twice for 5+ days - yea hurricane Irene and snow on Halloween) Let's just hope this feeling of spring is here to stay and there is no freak weather in 2012.

Here is what my husband and dog looked like in last year's winter:

This year is looking like a lot more fun:

Love those two :)

Sleep Training at 3 Months

We decided that it was time to start a sleep training schedule with Cameron. Cam wasn't one of those awesome babies that start to sleep through the night unexpectedly. And I had noticed lately that he really wasn't eating during the night but more so snuggling up into my chest and falling back to sleep. I went back and forth on if Cameron was too young (he's 3 months). But I came to the conclusion that he was ready for this when I noticed he wasn't even awake when he was fussing and crying in the night. I would wake him up by turning on the light and picking him up. Plus, I really wanted to stop bad habits as soon as possible, thinking that it would be less detrimental to Cameron the earlier on we dealt with this.

After a lot of research online and in books, I found Moms On Call. These women are Pediatric ICU nurses and moms who have developed an online class to help parents create a schedule for their child and get some much needed sleep. I took the 3 - 12 month online baby seminar last week and we started to practice their ideas on Friday night. The whole thing about the Moms On Call schedule is that it is 3 nights of work with your infant to get them to sleep through the night.

At the same time we are transitioning Cameron from his cozy bassinet which he is getting to big for - to the pack and play (as we don't have a crib yet - should probably work on that) This is also moving him from right next to our bed to the other side of the room - yes I did cry. I can't imagine right now a whole room away from us, the sadness, the loneliness.

Night One (Friday) - Cam woke up three times (12/2/4). I think I woke up every hour to just watch him for a bit. I eventually got him out of his bed around 6:30 am and fed him. The day routine was harder to stick to the MOC schedule but I think you can work on that after you really establish the night routine.

Night Two (Saturday) - Cam woke up once I think at 4 am. We got a little thrown off of when to wake him up because it was Daylight Savings - so I got him for his feeding at what was 7 am on my cell phone (spring forward time) but was really 6 am from when he went to sleep the night before. I woke up once or twice this night.

Night Three (Sunday) - I am pretty sure Cameron slept through the night!!! At least I did not wake up and hear him. My husband had to get up to go to work at 5 am and said Cam was awake but I didn't get him out of bed till 6:50 am and fed him. SUCCESS!!!! I slept from 10 pm to 5 am - that was the longest stretch of uninterrupted sleep since before Cameron was born. Hallelujah!!!!

Now, will be the true test to see if this works. And I have to try to start to follow the daytime schedule which is going to be a little bit harder. But I am really happy with the results thus far. The only issue I have to figure out now is the engorgement from not feeding Cameron in the middle of the night. I am waking up to quite a mess in the am.

Sweet sleeping baby

Back on the Band Wagon

I am going to try to do this for real this time. I really wanted to try to blog like many new moms while I was pregnant and especially when my little man was first born. I wanted to try to capture that time and write down everything and anything so we could remember it always. But life is busy (as always) and I haven't had the focus to give this a try again.

The past year has been a complete whirlwind. And has done a 180 degree change for us. Now, my family is at a place where life is not happening so so fast. I really want to try to enjoy what is happening right now. Not look to the past and not always be looking toward the future. Just take in what is right in front of me now.

For now, I just want to try to write down what we do each day. Whatever is happening in our lives. Everyone tells me this time in my life flies by and soon you are wondering where it all went. This is my try at attempting to hang on to those moments.

So to start off, here is a small video of my little man from last night (4/8/12). After he takes a bath he comes out of the tub super happy no matter what mood he was in before. This is one of my favorite times in the day together. What makes this so special is that we usually have this time together, as a family, just Matt, Cameron and I.

Belly Picture Week 13

I am a little late starting the belly pictures. I wanted to start awhile ago but I couldn't figure out the outfit (which probably will change) or a place in the house to take the picture (which may change to) Today I finally just bit the bullet and took a couple. Here is it:

I may just be a bit blotted too because I have been having oh so much fun cramps ever since lunch today. My belly button is sticking out today and has done so in the past but I have found other days it decides to go back in. Weird. I am told the cramps are from ligaments and tendons stretching. I will take that as a good sign of growing. Maybe next week we will be a little bit bigger. 

13 Weeks

Yesterday I hit 13 weeks. Here is what is going on in "our" world:

Baby Gummy Bear:
Isn't really a gummy bear anymore. He/she has limbs and fingers and toes and a nose and ears and I could go on and on. There is a little person growing inside me now. It's pretty crazy.

I am told the baby is about the size of an orange. That is getting pretty big now. I am so use to a pea or sunflower seed that to have something the size of my hand feels really significant. On average, babies now are almost 3 inches long and 1 ounce in weight. The babies eyelides are now fused together to protect the eyes, tissue that will eventually make bones is starting to form (osseous tissue from my anatomy class) the ribs and in the arms and legs. Vocal cords have developed also. What is really neat is that the baby is already starting to bump and move around! We saw this last week when we went for an ultrasound. The baby wouldn't stay still for the doctor to have a good look. Maybe I already have a future dancer!!! 

Me: 

I am feeling really good. I have started to "pop" and have a little belly forming. Though I have noticed weight in other fun areas also. I still gag at bad smells/yucky food. I am hoping this will start to subside more as I start a clinical rotation in the hospital next week and don't want to be gagging a lot in front of patients. I think that might lower my quality of care. My hair feels fuller finally and my nails definantly feel stronger. Oh, and I have had some acne pop up. I have to look into some better moisturizer for my face, probably something for oil. Besides that things are trucking along. I have to do a lot of reading this weekend for my Maternity Nursing class so I am excited to learn some new things. 

Matt and my brother Sam are away on an all-men camping trip and my Dad took off for the weekend so it's just me and Finley hanging around. It is gorgeous this weekend but I am stuck doing too much school work inside. The only pro to this is that it does protect me from laying out in the sun and getting sunburned. 

Our Little Secret

So I have left off for a bit but I have a really good reason. I have been keeping a secret. This secret has been taking up the majority of my head so I haven't really had anything else to say besides this secret. But now the cat is out of the bag and we are ready to share our news with the world.

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!

This is beyond a dream come true for me. I can't put into words how excited both my husband and I are. There is a little person growing inside of me and it is just so amazing!!!!

I am in my 12th week and our due date is December 9th. Not much is going on with me so far in terms on any belly or morning sickness (that's a good thing right?) I am extremely lethargic and could probably sleep the days away. Besides that everything feels good thus far.

I feel so blessed to be at this stage in my life and be able to make a small family with the man I love. Though we are not 100% ready (who ever is) I have complete faith that everything will work out. This is just the beginning of something truly beautiful.

Style Me Pretty

So I have been waiting for what feels like forever to see this. Our wedding last September is featured on STYLE ME PRETTY!!!!

I will one day (when there is time) post a great deal about the crazy, awesome, amazing day. But for now enjoy the wonderfulness of Style Me Pretty

Meet Finley

I have talked a bit about wanting to create a family and have a baby asap. I am beyond excited to extended our little family and take the next step. Recently, we decided to make a very grown up decision and take on a new responsibility in life. We decided to extend our family and take a baby step. Matt and I adopted a puppy. 

Meet Finley - a german shepherd/lab mix that we got at about 8 weeks old. She is the love of our lives. 


This is a big step for us. A puppy is a lot of work with training and keeping clean, all that stuff. We have to come home all the time to take care of her. We have lost a bit of our young freedom but have gained so much more. Plus, we are really lucky to be living with my Dad and brother who help with the responsibility. 


We have had Finley for about a month and it has been a lot of work. We are still working on house training, there are still a couple accidents every once in awhile. She has really only learned to sit so far but I almost got her to shake last night. What is the best thing about Finley, how much she already loves us. It started from day 1 - I am her Mom and Matt is her Dad. She cuddles with us, loves when we let her sleep with us, cowers between our legs when she is scared. What is more amazing is how much we both love her. Finley is our little baby right now and will be forever apart of our family. She is going to share in so many of our moments as Matt and I grow together and create a bigger family. 


There is a lot to talk about with Finley. From training to her breed questions, all the amazing things out there for a dog, watching her grown and develop...but for now here is some puppy pictures to drool over (she is my dog, I do think she is the cutest thing in the whole wide world) 

First day she came home - Finley was 6 lbs - so tiny!

First snow Finley experienced

She loves to chew (not good) and play with that weird piece of the vaccuum

Sleeping with Dad

Finley will give you this look when you talk to her, she lifts her ears & turns her head to say "What?"

My little baby

Why "lasts for always"?

One of the best things about our wedding was that I got to custom make our ceremony. Some people might not agree with that, but for us it made the ceremony (the most important part of the day) personally and intimate. One of the readings we used was from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. 

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

To me, that perfectly explains what falling in love and getting married is all about. To be in love and be loved back so much by someone - that makes us "Real". What is most amazing, being "Real" can only grow. By the joining of each others family, one day creating our own and living life. We will always be "real". 

the beginning

I just recently got married. It was a big, beautiful wedding that took months to organize & execute. Now what? We are left on our own, looking at each other and figuring what the #@! do we do? So here is a grand experiment in being married, getting along, creating a one day family and just living life. I wanted to share in our venture and get feedback on creating a fun & adventurous life, with all the ups & downs. So here I am. My goal is to share in the neat tricks I find in being a wife and one day mom, learn about what you out there are up to and probably vent about the frustrations of being an adult (really? I thought I was still a college kid?!?)